emerging dripping and exhausted from the pit of apathy and despair

I love an overtly expressive title. I couldv’e written ‘getting back into it’ but I prefer the above. Besides I havn’t been out of it, Ive just been managing other suff. Like my kids. And a period of anxiety, isolation (partial) and despair. Which culminated in a mini emotional breakdown last Saturday and me driving to limerick by myself to walk around TK maxx and try on and carry around tat for an hour. I did feel better, mostly through being by myself and the act of being unavailable to others for a period of time, and I bought 3 bras that are too big. All in all a success. I don’t wish to speak of it lightly as I was genuinely not in a good place. I could liken it to a lightly boiling pot, staying just at lid level , which you know, you just know is going to eventually boil over. And boil over it did last weekend.

Anyway I am now going to list the open calls festiavls etc that I’ve applied to/am going to apply to, with the folowing titles in mind:

Stuff to apply to:

How to get the work Ive proposed made/out there ANYWAY if/when I get rejected.

So, A: Stuff to apply to:

RHA open call for their annual show. I am putting in 3 for this. I am going with what I want and not asking anyone their opinion. In otherwards as normal. Ive not entered this before. I suspect there will be loads of extra entries this year as its digital entry for the first time. But if I dont enter…

Scotland festival http://ibpcpa.co.uk/ I have one more month to enter

Livestock http://www.mart.ie/portfoliosets/whats-on/#undefined/11480 deadline Friday 13 March

https://www.tulca.ie/news/2020/02/14-b TULCA open call. deadline 23 March

K Fest open call https://www.kfest.ie/submissions deadline March 20th

Buzz cut Glasgow https://www.glasgowbuzzcut.co.uk/#/buzzcut2020/ March 1st deadline

Draw to perform Sunday 8 March https://drawtoperform.com/upcoming/ this is too soon and theres already a plethora of kids activities going on that weekend so its not possible. Also money. But I will keep a look out here as it would be a great one day to go to if happenign again.

March Tactic gallery https://visualartists.ie/advert/open-call-oilean-tactic-exhibition-2020-cork/ 1 March is deadline

NOW ASSUMING I SUBMIT PROPOSALS FOR AT LEAST 3 OF THE ABOVE

I need to plan how I can make the work happen regardless of the outcome of my proposal submission.

I will use the framework provided by Tim Ferriss which I heard on a TED talk.

FEAR SETTING: What if I? write in whats really important but ive not acted on

Define: write out what could happen, as in what could go wrong , the worst possibilities, if I take this step.

Prevent: what I could do to prevent these outcomes

Repair: if each of the things in Define came to pass what I could do to get back in action again and recover from them

Benefits: what might the benefits be from a partial win if I have some success?

The cost of inaction: What happens if I choose to keep doing exactly what I am doing now, as in choose not to do anything?

I am going to write this out by hand and I will post in in written scrawl form.

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